Monday, January 30, 2012

[fat] and sad

Its the end of my second week on weight watchers, and I'm afraid to weigh myself. I haven't exceeded my points for the week, and I haven't really eaten the last two days. I've bizarrely not been interested in food at all. If only I could keep this up during the week and not just my lazy weekends.

I feel like my weight will have increased, for absolutely no reason. It seems like that's always the way my body works. Tonight I've been dwelling on Ghana, and last May when I was 50 pounds less than I am now. (Granted, I did have typhoid fever at the time, but it was 50 pounds less than today)

Maybe if I get on the scale it will have gone up. Could I blame it on my wet hair? Was I standing on the scale differently? Maybe my weight has gone down. I almost want to laugh at myself, I feel like this diet is just a trick for maintaining my weight because I will never drop any weight. I swear I'd throw myself a party at 20 pounds lost, I'd have my ass below 200.

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