Cranky Fat Feminist Speaks

liberal feminist from the south who ran away to college in the mid-west, and quickly retreated back after my four years were up. trying to save the world one picture book at a time; attempting to live healthier to lose weight, but without giving up beer. challenging the idea that “big is beautiful” as well as what I’ve learned and experienced about women, gender, and feminism from my time in college as well as my time in West Africa. pissed about the apathy of the world, ready to create change one mind at a time.

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Monday, December 3, 2012

[feminist] abortion stories

Its time to end the shame and stigmas associated with abortions. To add your story, email me or message me on Facebook.

I was 18 years old and a senior in high school. I had recently lost a lot of weight within the past year and a half and I started getting attention for a lot of different boys. I met a boy that was in the military. He became my very first boyfriend. We had a very fast relationship. We dated for a month but since he was my first boyfriend I was completely delusionally in love with him. Even though we broke up I'd still travel hours up to his duty station to spend time with him and we continued to sleep together. We saw each other last around the end of December. We remained to talk over the phone. I found out that I was pregnant in February. I told him about it and he immediately demanded that I have an abortion because it would ruin his future career. Funny enough, his family is very conservative and very catholic and yet he was telling me to get an abortion. I knew it was the right thing to do. He offered me no support in the process though, so I kept completely quiet about the situation. At around 14 weeks I decided to cut off contact with him and had an abortion. Was it a hard decision? Yes. Was it the right one? For me yes. I was a senior in high school and I would be a single mom. There was no need to try to raise a child in hostility. It was pretty much painless and I went along my life. To this day he's never said a word about it and continues to be a shitty person but that's on him. Today, I'm a strong woman that is married and has a beautiful little girl. I know for a fact I wouldn't be married, be as happy as I am nor be the person I am today if I hadn't had an abortion. I volunteer with various women's rights groups. I have counter protested 'pro-life' groups outside Planned Parenthoods by myself that have tried to shame me in my decision. But I am not ashamed, not a bit.

My story is very similar to Emily's, I'm not married yet but I have found the love of my life, and I love who I am and who I'm becoming. I know that I wouldn't have come close to this reality if I hadn't had an abortion when I was 18. It was the best choice for me and I'm proud of it!

I am a 40 year old woman who made a horrible difficult choice in her youth. Now, I want a baby and my body isn't cooperating. I STILL stand behind my choices. No baby deserved that young lost girl as a mother. I did what I did and fuck you if you judge me.

I stand by my decision. Not a damn thing anyone can say, no amount of bullshit, rhetoric, or judgement to make me feel differently. I am simply NOT mommy material. Almost 40, and I still don't want anything to do with children. That said, you can only imagine the parent I would be if forced to give birth. I support fully a women's right to CHOOSE when/if she wants to be a parent or not.

I got pregnant at sixteen and kept the baby. I've been through hell and guess who had to live it with me. Things are better now but...let's just say I will support the right to choose until the day I die and I will never belong to a religion of any type ever again.

I was 20 years old with a 9 month old when I got pregnant again. I was the only one with a job in our household, their father wasn't interested in having a job or raising the son we had, let alone two of them. All because I wouldn't marry him to make his extremist mother happy. We were together but it was only for the sake of our son. When I found out I was pregnant again I knew I couldn't have another kid financially without resorting to government aid, and I couldn't handle the emotional toll it would take on me. The thought really shocked me into realizing I couldn't stay with a man who wasn't interested in raising a child at all. I mean our son was 9 months old and he still didn't know how to fill a diaper bag or thaw out breast milk. So I had an abortion and he moved back home with his mom. She lived a few miles away from my house but that was the end of him seeing my son, it was too far out of the way for him. I got a better job, worked my ass off and met up with an old coworker a few weeks later. We started seeing each other and six months later we started dating officially. I then introduced him to my son and he's been with us ever since. We got married the following year and had another son. I know had I had that child, I wouldn't be where I am today. I'm happy, I have a career and I did all of it on my own with no help from family or the government. I'm happily married to a wonderful man who loves our sons. I don't regret having an abortion for one second.

When I was 15 I got into an argument with my mom and decided to run away. I met up with another friend and we went to her boyfriends apartment to stay a few nights. I was awoken from my sleep on the top bunk by some guy. He put his hand over my mouth and proceeded to force himself inside me. He raped me. I left and went home, but I didn't tell anyone about what happened. I was afraid I would be blamed. About a month later I realized that I was late. I skipped school with a friend and went to the local free clinic where they confirmed that I was pregnant. I was terrified, but I went home and told my mom anyway, still not mentioning that I was raped. My boyfriend at the time was the only one that knew and he agreed to let my mom think he was the father. I knew I couldn't have a baby this way and so I made the decision to terminate the pregnancy. Thankfully, my mother didn't try to talk me out of it. We found an ob/gyn office that also performed abortions and scheduled the appointment. When that morning came I was so scared, I had no idea what to expect. My mom and boyfriend came with me and were both very supportive. I don't regret my decision at all. I knew it was the right choice for me.  I do struggle with talking about it though. I still feel like I'm being judged.

I was 27 when I had an abortion and I already had an 8 year old son. I knew the relationship I was in wasn't going to last so I decided on an abortion. It really was the hardest decision I've ever had to make but it was absolutely the right decision for me to make. I'm not ashamed of it, I don't feel guilty about it. No woman should feel like this or be made to feel like this. Abortion is neither a moral issue or a religious one. It's purely down to personal choice.

Thank you for this space, I had one, I'm sure it was a girl, my heart & soul was in such a diminished state at the time. I don't know if it was right or wrong. thank you thank you for your bravery for posting this.

I was 28 when I had an abortion (several years ago) at a local controversial Clinic that was notorious for providing safe and legal abortions. What surprised me most as I waited in the Clinic with several other women was the absence of the stereotypical 'irresponsible teen' I had been expecting. Most of the women there were mothers, middle aged, professionals, obviously intelligent and responsible women making a difficult decision. It was a somber wait, but not a Shameful one. We all knew we had thought long and hard before coming to this decision. But I, too, am reluctant to speak of it to anyone.

Thank You all for sharing your stories. Ten years ago in college, I was raped & finding my period late, thought I was pregnant. I decided despite my religion I'd have an abortion. Luckily I had a planned parenthood nearby to tell me I wasn't pregnant & didn't catch anything from the bastard! I didn't have to go through with my decision, but I've felt the judgement from those who shared my faith, but disagreed with my decision. I've since distanced myself from religion, found I don't need that judgement in my life!

I had just turned 21 when I found out that I was pregnant. My boyfriend and I were living paycheck-to-paycheck. Between him paying child support and spousal support, and my money woes that were still lingering from my divorce (on top of family issues), it was a terrible time to start a family. I could find nowhere to assign the anger and fear that I felt from knowing that I would be aborting my baby. I kept going back and forth in my mind, but knew that there was no way that i was financially or emotionally ready enough to bring a child into this world. If it were later on in life, I would have kept the baby. Looking back, I'm still glad that I stuck to my guns and got the abortion.

"As I sat in the abortion clinic's waiting room with about a dozen other young women, I felt the tension in the air. We each waited with bated breath, and I felt the questions we wouldn't dare to speak aloud press against the silence. I felt every ounce of the fear and anger that was inside of each girl, including myself. We each wanted a mother or an aunt or sister to tell us that our feelings were justified and that we would make it out in one piece. It seems that we as a society have been conditioned to not discuss our own experiences concerning abortion. We need to realize that simply pretending that abortions don't happen will not make it so. Our voices need to be heard. We mustn't be ashamed anymore."

I was 23 and engaged to a man I loved very deeply at the time. Neither one of us was ready, mentally or financially, even though we planned on having kids eventually. I consider myself incredibly lucky that I had a very supportive partner who ultimately said that the decision was mine alone, and that he would be supportive of whatever decision I made. Having an abortion was by far one of the most difficult decisions I've ever made, but one that I have never, ever regretted. One of the best decisions I've ever made. It took me a long time to be comfortable with it, but now I'm able to speak freely of it, and hope that by doing so it helps to erase the stigma so many women, like I once did, feel.

I had an abortion at 15, and that was 40 years and two wonderful children ago. I fully believe it was the absolute best decision for me. I've often wondered what my life would have been like had I not chosen that path, but I've never regretted it. While I don't push abortion or go around recommending it, I fully support each woman's right to make her own choice regarding her body and to make it without apology. No one else knows what she has to deal with and therefore no one else should be so presumptuous as to try to think they know the best thing for her. I applaud the bravery of the women who have shared their stories here publicly!


  1. I had an abortion when I was 21. The father was only 17 at the time, and I knew there was no way we were ready for children. We got married a few years later, and when I was 25 I had our first child. I believe it is impossible to kill a soul, and if the time is not right, it is more responsible of the woman to choose an abortion and wait.

  2. I had an abortion at age 30. I was unmarried, and we both dint want it. There was not a second of doubt or lingering. We just got a doctor from the yellow pages and went there. My boyfriend was with me and supported me the whole way. I found out on the morning of my birthday and did it the same afternoon. Sounds sad but really it isnt. Having that child was not possible and nobody could/can/should have told me otherwiswe.

  3. I was date raped while in high school. Abortions were illegal and I was too young to doubt my complete and total Catholic indoctrination. I had no family support and was so naive I did not even know public assistance existed, so I felt I had no other option but to marry the rapist, who believed he was in love with me. That dear child was the first love I experienced in my life and my greatest gift. The extent to which I let her down and was too young and ignorant for the task, is a constant pain and burden as I enter my later years. Her life has not been right and she suffers. I am certain my poor choices, my scars and my youth are a primary cause for the difficult issues she grapples with. There are no easy answers. I wish I could relive so many things, but that is not a choice. The hardest thing about any Now, is that later you will understand so much more - always. Do not underestimate the complexities of life. People with the best intentions still cause important damage. Babies are completely defenseless and deserve to enter a world that is reasonably ready and safe for them. Your life will never be perfect and I am not suggesting that is required. Many are better mothers than they ever believed possible. That is not how it was for us. My heartfelt sympathies to any struggling with this decision. For me, I believe both choices held great pain - if I had had a choice. I did have friends who went to Tijuana for abortions soon after, and one was badly butchered. I know they still carry their decision, and I carry the results of a deprivation of choice. I agree with those who say the focus should move to a society that cares for and protects those babies and children that are here and away from battering the private, difficult choices of woman. Fewer woman might need to make such a choice if we were a more supportive society that put children first. So instead of hating woman, consider loving children.

  4. Thank you, brave ladies, for sharing your stories!

  5. Thank you for making this page. It's good to see that there are women who have worked past the shame that society puts on people for having abortions. I had one when I was 22 and when I think about it, sometimes I'm flooded with guilt. I think it was a boy, he would've been 9 by now, his name would've been Kanin with a birthday on August 23rd. Unlike pro-lifers may think, we don't go parading around after an abortion, psychologically scaring. My boyfriend at the time was a bit psychotic and to this day, I still think he tampered with the condom that wound up breaking. He really wanted a baby and he was also worried that I was going to leave him. There was no way I could bring a baby into that mess as well as take care of a child. I don't regret my decision at all. I'm in a stable marriage, have a career working with children and have come to find out I really don't want kids.

  6. Thank you for talking about this! It frustrates me that this subject is so taboo.
    I had an abortion at 26. The father was a friend who I'd slept with once. I was working as a waitress and trying to jump start my career as a costume designer. There was no way on earth I could take care of a child then. I scheduled the abortion with no hesitation. Mentally, I had a little conversation with my fetus, I told it that it wasn't the right time, but it would be some day.
    I chose to get the abortion pill, it was cheaper and I liked the idea of going through with it at home. I took it at my mom's house, laying on her couch watching tv. It was the most terrible, excruciating pain I've ever been through. That extra strength Tylenol they give you is a joke! My mom was so scared, she almost took me to the hospital. But the pain subsided after about 40 minutes.
    I didn't have any emotional scars from the experience, but I went through some terrible physical pain. For three months after taking the pill, I had HORRIBLE abdominal cramps every night, and they were worsened by physical exercise. I couldn't even do a simple yoga stretch. I even called the emergency abortion hotline at 2am one night, and the woman on the other line said this was normal and there wasn't much to be done about it. (!?)
    This same thing happened to a friend of mine who took the abortion pill. Now I advise any girlfriend of mine thinking about getting an abortion to get the procedure done by a doctor DON'T TAKE THE PILL!!
    Even though it was painful, I've never regretted it for a moment. If I'd had that baby then it would have ruined my life.
    Now I'm married and planning to try to conceive some time soon!

  7. I was a sophomore in college when I found out I was pregnant by my ex-boyfriend. Because I was so far along only a handful of doctors on the east coast preformed the type of abortion I needed. I had to travel to Boston with my sister and go through three days of procedures. Although it was the most gut wrenching decision I have ever made... it was the right one. Had I had the baby, I would not be able to continue studying at school. Had I had the baby who knows what type of negative images of a family it would have endured. Had I had the baby it would only have been a mistake. Timing is everything. And this timing was just way off. The fact that the bills have recently been passed limiting how many weeks a woman can be to have an abortion legally- outrages me... and scares me to think of anyone in my position... Had this bill passed any sooner I would have a child right now... A child with a child. I know there are other options and that's great, I myself was adopted. I know some women are capable of giving up their lives to raise another. But for me it would have just been abuse and I feel blessed every day that I was able to make that decision about my body.

  8. I got pregnant when I was 18. I wanted a baby (with my boyfriend of two months at the time) and had no guidance or support system to tell me it was a bad idea. My mom told me I was stuck with the dad for life so I might as well marry him. Now I am 26,divorced, and living on assistance. At times, I wish I got an abortion because I fail my daughter everyday of her life. I have no job, no goals or ambitions, depression, anxiety, ect... I never got to grow up and realize what I could do with my life. My daughter really is an amazing kid with potential to make it in life. When I think if I had gotten an abortion I think about her and how she wouldn't be here. I makes me sad. But I also think of how much she has suffered at the hands of me and her sperm donor and how she would have been better off not here than a life time of pain, anger, resentment,and therapy.