[feminist] Reflection: The Business of Being Born

The first startling statistic of childbirth in America is that less than 8% of births are attended by a midwife. In Europe and Japan, midwives attend an average of 70% of births.


Startling stats, part two. The USA has the number one worst maternal death rate and the second worst infant mortality rate in the developed world.


Perhaps this makes more sense when we realize that in other countries midwives deliver babies, not doctors. Obstetricians are always available or on call in case of delivery emergencies. Obstetricians don’t do the majority of baby delivery in any country except the USA.


What’s the big difference?


Capitalism.


Hospitals in the USA are businesses, and businesses are all about increased traffic and turnover. Pregnant women in -- baby out -- minimum recovery time -- goodbye. Any time additions lose money.



In an effort to keep turnover high and profits higher, many women are nearly immediately administered pitocin to induce stronger contractions. This is painful, so women are then offered and encouraged to have an epidural for pain relief. But epidurals slow contractions. Therefore she needs more pitocin to keep up the rate of contractions (and then needs another epidural…) The fluctuation between pitocin-induced contractions and epidural slowing contractions takes oxygen away from the baby, and too often results in “emergency” c-sections.


Since 1996 there has been a 46% increase in c-sections, s that by 2005 one in three births were c-sections. Additionally, it has been documented that c-sections peak at 4pm and 10pm -- when doctors are ready to go home before shift changes. The surgery is relatively simple on the part of the obstetrician, meaning that they’re less likely to be sued than in a traditional birth.


Why the lack of midwives? Answer one is that there is a lack of understanding what women in labor need (in the USA). The biggest reason though is that hospitals don’t like the competition -- therefore many insurance companies don’t like to want to pay midwives. This means midwives have to fight insurance companies for what is owed to them, and many go bankrupt. Midwives average 4 thousand for their services, while a hospital bill is often around thirteen thousand.



Food for thought --


Natural birth releases a huge cocktail of hormones and “love drugs,” helping a new mother to truly bond with her newborn. A c-section bypasses this, and no love hormone cocktail is released into the mother’s body. Does this screw up one in three kids later?


Also, do labor and delivery drugs fuck with infants? In previous studies with formerly used drugs there were side effects later in life for these babies. For now, and this round of drugs, there are no conclusive answers yet.

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[cranky] "useless dependent"

I am the useless 23 year old dependent. I cannot find a job, and I'm not looking hard enough. Sometimes when the primary breadwinner loses their job, the child steps up and becomes the primary bread winner. Why hasn't that happened?

Why can't I be more dedicated to filing out dozens of online applications, and even more walk-in local applications? Why am I so disheartened by my lack of application response that I don't want to keep filling out applications? I can count on one hand the number of times I've received a response from a potential employer letting me know they're no longer interested and have found their person. I feel like I'm screaming out into a vast wasteland, and my voice has become hoarse. No one wants me to serve their burgers or stock their shelves. No one wants me to be their administrative assistant. Despite over seven years of employee and volunteer management, no one wants me to oversee a single person or task.

Every time I think we've made up, and I just start to get comfortable again with my father, this comes up. I'm not pulling my weight, I'm only getting more depressed. I'm able to pay my car insurance and student loan payments but not my phone or my medical bills and prescriptions.

I do something wrong, and then my sister or mother does something royally mean and evil-hearted to him, and his only outlet for anger is me.

Yes, I have applied for a job today. No, only one job. I've done more job research, but that doesn't really count.

I want to wait tables for drunk sloppy gross men for $2.13 an hour; I want to mop floors and take out trash for $7.25 an hour; I want to pay all of my bills and pay rent. I don't know what to do. I just can't keep doing this.

[cranky] so broke, so pissed

I can literally feel a stabbing pain in my chest. My two $25 birthday giftcards are gone. Who has been in the house since I recieved them? Realtors, prospective house buyers, my good friend "J," and my old high school friend and new friend-without-benefits "Jack." About a month or two ago I had a disappearing cash meltdown -- was Jack going through bags, to find my purse, to find my wallet, to take cash?! Twice? No way. Has Jack managed to walk off with giftcards that had been tucked away? Is that what he was doing instead of cleaning the kitchen after he made midnight dinner a few nights ago?

Previously the thief was my younger sister -- stealing keys, making copies, and sneaking in while we were at work to steal cash and sell-able anxiety meds (usually klonopin). I feel like the biggest fool letting someone into my home and having money disappear. There is $5.05 in my purse right now, all in coins. That's all I have. Along with no job and a student loan payment due in 7 days.

My sister has Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD). She was diagnosed when she was 17. There is a list of 9 "symptoms"/behaviors and you have to have 5 to get your gold star... she has all 9. Very briefly... she was drugged and raped at age 14 setting her off into a downward spiral of shit; by 15 she had admitted to us that she was drinking heavily since nearly age 13 and she also thought she had a miscarriage without actually having had sex; by 16 she had her first tattoo out of a pay-by-the-hour motel and was dating a 31 year old man with 4 kids from 4 different moms; at 17 I took away her PTI freebie and she had to be processed at the state prison after she stole my identity and all of my money while I was out of the country, she was a member of the Crips, got checked back into the psych ward, and skipped town for several months with my mom (to this day, I'm not sure where they went), after they came back in town she was checked into a residential outdoor rehab center and was their longest ever patient-- turning 18 at the facility and choosing to stay. By age 19 she accused me of molesting her repeatedly as children, and now at 20 I'm forbidden from being in the same building as her, per my mother and grandmother's orders. J has seen her out at bars several times, and she's going to be 21 in a few months. She's claimed to be an alcoholic since she was 15, and now she's regularly drinking and driving and the only person that could possibly stop her is my mother who is afraid of running her off. She is capable of constructing entirely alternate realities, alternate stories, events, persons and then believing them whole-heartedly.

Despite my father and therapist telling me otherwise, I feel like the ultimate dumb shit for allowing money to walk out of my house. I know better. I know the signs, I know what to look for. I let my guard down, and I feel like an idiot. I think there's some chocolate box cake mix in the cabinet I can make, so I can save that $5.05 for something... no clue what...

[feminist] may: national masturbation month

Seriously, May is National Masturbation Month. Obviously this shouldn't be the only time of the year to masturbate, but it's a good excuse to discuss the fact that it's not just men that masturbate. It's totally normal, humans are sexual beings. Besides blowing off sexual tension and possibly feeling a little bit dirty, it's how a lot of us find out what gets us off with our partners. My first orgasm was a solo event; masturbating taught me what my vulva felt like, and allowed me to meet my clitoris (the never-discussed part of the female anatomy in my health classes). The less dirty I felt when I masturbated the more comfortable I became with myself and my body, and the more confident I became in telling partners "lets try this"-- eventually allowing me to have multiple orgasms and truly love sex.

I think no one should be ashamed or feel dirty for masturbating (obviously, in private). If you want to try sex toys-- individual toys or with your partner toys-- you should totally go for it. You never know what unexpected pleasures might come. The more uncomfortable you are with your body, your sexuality, or any difficulties climaxing, the more I want to encourage you to touch yourself and love your body.

[Fat] progress?

Progress is a long long journey. I feel that I've been making progress in terms of both my mental health (depression, anxiety) and my personal acceptance of my body ever since I came back from Ghana. Mental health has had two big hurdles/setbacks in the last year, but I've honesty never felt better about my body than I do these days. However, this week has been incedibly hard. My sister has been struggling for the last two weeks, she took it out on my father, and he took it out on me.
So I'm taking it out on the blog.
Have you ever written a hate-note to yourself? For years I used to just write "fat ugly stupid" and leave it in my underwear drawer or the corner of my desk so that my parents or roommate could never find it. I haven't written one in ages, but I did a few days ago... its almost funny, almost, that this time I wrote "too fat."
I know this is all part of being human. But it hurts so much. And waking up in the morning to find my note the next day just threw me back down again. I have to remember that we are all human, and I am not alone in this. And that if you have ever been here, you are not alone either. It takes time to make progress. And we're here together to make that journey.

[fat] WW, take 2

I restarted Weight Watchers a week ago. The end of last semester of school was absolutely overwhelming, and I enjoyed too much good beer and ice cream. I weighed in at 223 pounds, and somehow lost 4 pounds last week, to 219.
I can't wait to get down to 199, then I'm allowed to open up a big bag of clothes from Ghana, along with my shorts. (muffin top, anyone? haha)

[fat] a new diet begins

I've joined weight watchers this week. The online food diary from last semester helped me figure out what I should and shouldn't eat, but somehow weight watchers feels more legitimate?

I have metabolic syndrome, meaning that I have elevated cholesterol, elevated blood sugar, a slow metabolism, elevated blood pressure, and a knack for not ever being able to lose weight. The carrots and hummus diet did nothing. The protein water diet did nothing. So now I'm on to the most legitimate thing I can find online. I weighed in this week at a whopping 220.5 pounds. Standing at just 5 feet and 6 inches tall when I bother to stand straight, my BMI tells me that I'm obese, and that my ideal weight is 125-155. That's 65.5 pounds to lose. And according to my doctor if I don't lose it, I'll be diabetic just like my grandmother. I inherited the huge boobs and bad blood, way to go.